A Rush of Blood To The Head
by xxBlueButterflyHottixx
Summary: Joanie Garrison, tough, charismatic, daughter of Major General Willam Garrison...And compleatly in love with Matt Eversmann. Black Hawk Dow with an added female character
1. Chapter 1

Only the dead have seen the end of war- Plato

Saturday October 2nd, 1993

Joanie's POV

The Hawk was flying above the cross food center, and hundreds of people crowded around the small building. Pushing, shoving, fighting for the foods that would keep them and they're families alive.

"Here! Technical nine o'clock" Busch hollered, too close to my ear. I ignored it and looked down to see the people pulling the rice bags off the trucks.

And then the gun fire started and I shot forward as men in small jeeps began shooting the starving, slaughtering them.

"Fuck" I cursed to myself as the crowd began to scatter away from the food.

"Oh shit! Do you see that?! Jesus! We've got unarmed civilians getting shot down here at 9 o'clock" Eversmann yelled, alarm in his voice into his head set. He then flashed a look to me.

"We got it Matt...I don't think we can touch this" Durant replied through the head set and I shook my head.

"Command Super six four, we got malicia shooting unarmed civilians down at the food distribution center. Request permission to engage" I could hear Durant over my own head gear.

They then asked if we were taking fire. I let out an agitated breath. I wish, I thought bitterly looking down at the bastards who thought they were all big with they're guns.

"Negative" Durant answered. They then told us we couldn't intervene, and to come back to base. I felt my hands form tight fists around my gun before I put it back down and crossed my legs at the knee, pulling at the roots of my out grown hair, a bad habit of mine. Eversmann looked like he was biting back his words as he looked at the scene below us til it was out of sight.

"Calm down, Matt" I whispered to him, nudging him with my leg before crossing it back over the other. He nodded, and was silent the whole way back to base.

When we got back to base it was about three o'clock. That was still time to train and I ran laps and laps until I felt like I was going to vomit and my hair was stuck to my head with all of the perspiration.

"Joanie! Hold up" I heard a familiar voice behind me and smiled as I saw my two best friends here, Eversmann and Smith running behind me. I laughed out loud for a moment.

"Run faster, boys" I chuckled as I continued my pace, my boots digging into the dirt, making me feel slightly at peace.

"Daddy's looking for you" Jamie Smith teased as he took one of the sides next to me, and Eversmann took the other.

"Fuck you, Jamie" I said to him as I scrunched up my face. My dad was major general Garrison, and nobody let me forget that. Even though I had worked my way through the academy, and had ROTC all through high school, not to mention graduated in the top ten. Nope, I was still Garrison's daughter.

"Ouch, that hurt" Smith said, his hand clenched to his heart in mock pain. I didn't laugh, just glared and picked up the pace.

"Some one's on they're period" He stated to Eversmann who tried to hold in a laugh, but failed miserably and chuckled.

I stopped and turned around.

"You know what?! I am on my period, and were stuck out here in the middle of nowhere, no tampons, no pads! Nothing!" I yelled at them in a faux hormonal voice and Smith's lips curled in disgust and Eversmann looked like he didn't know what to do. I then busted out in laughter and turned and began jogging again.

"That was gross" Smith stated and I didn't have to turn back to see his face to know that he still had that disgusted expression.

"You guy's are too gullible" I stated with a giggle as we turned into where all of the black hawks were parked, they're powerful ingens turned off.

"Smith!" I heard someone yell and we all turned too see Beales and Yurek who were at the basket ball court calling for Jamie

"Wanna come?" He asked as he looked over at the other guys. I met Eversmann's eyes for a moment and then looked back to Jamie.

"I'm good" I replied nonchalantly, feeling the butter fly's in my stomach as I watched Eversmann decline too.

"Your loss. Gotta jet, bye guys" Smith said with a small wave as, he ran over to the court, his arms open cockily. Me and Eversmann ran until we were behind one of the hawks and I looked around to make sure we were out of sight of the people and the camera's.

I pushed Eversmann back, against the giant helicopter and smiled deviously at his surprised look.

"Joanie...We could get caught" He protested as I began placing soft kisses against his pretty lips.

"Shut up, Matt. No one can see" I reassured as I stroked his almost bald head and began scraping my teeth along my jaw, collecting the sweet and salty sweat with my tongue.

"Ugh" he grunted out as I began grinding against him and my hands found they're way down to the impressive bulge at his crotch. I was tugging at it through his clothes which made him yelp slightly and her grabbed my harshly by the back of my thighs and pushed me against the chopper and began nibbling on my neck.

"Mmm...Matt. I want you so bad" I whispered into his ear, knowing how he liked it when I talked dirty too him. He threw his head back for a moment and I took advantage of this and began nipping at the exposed skin of his neck.

"J-Joanie?" He stuttered out, his hands kneading the inside of my thighs.

"Hmm?" I replied, not stopping the attack on his neck.

"Are you really...You know..." He asked, embarrassed. I pulled away and looked at him quizzically.

"Am I really what?" I asked confused.

"You know...On your period" He stated the last part in a whisper and I began laughing so hard I almost fell out of his arms.

"I'm serious" He said his ears bright red which just made me crack up more.

"No. I'm not" I replied as I kissed the corned of his lips and my laughter died down.

"I knew it. You always get more emotional when your on it, your hair get's shinier too" He stated his observations and I just smiled.

"Stalker" I teased him. He dropped me softly too my feet and I looked at him questioning in my eyes.

"Major Garrison was looking for you" He answered and I nodded, kissed his cheek, and ran off. Leaving him there.

* * *

"I'm just sayin they've been calling for these dang situations every day this week" I turned the corner to find my father talking to Major Harrell.

I felt like I was intruding on them and I wanted to turn back.

"Garrison" Harrell nodded to me and I just gave him a nod, before he walked out of the door.

"Dad...Major Garrison, you asked for me, sir" I stated, slipping up on calling him dad.

"Yes I did, What happened out there this morning?" My father asked, voice strict and commanding.

"There was open fire on the unarmed civilians, sir" I stated, not looking him in the eye, but keeping my head strait.

He sighed. "Joanie...you cant call about every death you guys see out there" He said, trying to explain. I wanted to yell at him, ask him that what were we here for, if not to help the people.

"Yes, sir" I said, no emotion in my voice. I didn't want to talk to him any more and he knew it.

"That is all, soldier" I nodded and left him there, going to look for Eversmann.

* * *

I walked through out the base, looking for Eversmann, I really needed to talk. God, even Smith would do right now. I was just so mad at my dad.

I walked through registry and saw Grimes talking to an attractive guy I had never seen before. Grimes was...cool. And I could really use some joe...

"Grimes" I greeted with a small smile. He looked up, grinned, then went back to his work.

"Hello Joanie..." He said as he looked back down at his work.

"Name?" He asked the man who was looking me up and down curiously.

"Todd" The young man stated.

"Last name" Grimes asked

"Blackburn" Todd answered. Interesting last name I thought to my self.

"So whats it like?" Blackburn asked, his voice excited.

"Whats what like?" Grimes asked annoyed and I almost snorted as I sat lightly on the end of Grimes desk.

"Mogadishu. The fighting?" Blackburn said as though it was just so obvious.

"Serial number?" Grimes ignored the question.

"72162437" Blackburn answered, his voice antsy.

Grimes finished typing up the info and then looked back at the new kid.

"Firstly it's the mog, or simply mog, secondly I wouldn't know about the fighting, so don't ask" Grimes said, boredly.

"Why not?" Black burn asked.

"He said don;t ask" I told the kid, trying to keep my voice stern, but I really wanted to laugh.

"Look kid, you look like you're about twelve, so let me explain something too you- I snorted at the age statement- I have a great and mysterious skill that makes it so I cant go into missions" Grimes told the kid off. I shook my head. Great and Mysterious my ass.

"Typing" Blackburn asked, his voice incredulous.

"Can you type" Grimes bit back.

"No..." Blackburn replied, defeated.

" Grimes...Blackburn" I waved my self off and left the scene, chuckling as I heard the kid say he was here to kick some ass

* * *

When I finally found Eversmann he was down at the shooting range, blowing a whistle to signal that training was over.I walked over to him and nodded to him in a professional cold way. We kept our...relationship a secret. It was hard, but necessary.

"Eversmann" I greeted him. He bit back a smile.

"Garrison." He replied, keeping his eyes on the soldiers in the field.

I looked over as Grimes came trotting over, Blackburn in tow.

"Sargent Matt Eversmann and Sargent Joanie Garrison" Grimes called out to Matt as he came over.

Matt looked at Blackburn who instantly introduced himself.

"Private first class Blackburn"

"Yeah?" Eversmann asked with a smile, which brought a grin to my lips as well.

"Reporting for duty" Blackburn said. Wow, he was a cocky one, now wasn't he?

"Not to me your not, your reporting to Lutenet Beals, he should be around here somewhere" Eversmann said, more to Grimes then to Blackburn.

"Can I leave him with you?" Grimes almost plead.

"Yeah, go ahead" I said, with a sigh, then Grimes walked away.

"Got your weapon?" Matt asked Blackburn, who nodded eagerly.

"Yes sir. Want me too shoot? I'm rested" Blackburn sounded like he wanted to so bad and I gave him a small amused glance.

"When you get in?" I questioned, playing with the kid.

"Just now Sargent" He replied, looking thrilled

* * *

When all of the training was over I went to my cot and stripped off my dirty sweaty suite and put on some fresh cargo pants and a tight tan tank top. I then began to throw my hair into a small ponytail. It had gotten too long, I thought to my self as i brushed through the dark maroon strands that went down about two inches above my shoulders. When I had first came here, it was barley past my chin. I just tied it up and then went back with the rest of the men. It smelled really, really good in the base and my stomach growled loudly.

"Hungry, Garrison?" I turned to see Hoot and gave him a big smile then a pat on the shoulder.

"It's good to see you, Hoot" I said genuinely. He nodded and grabbed two plates off the table, handing one to me.

"You too, Garrison" He replied as he cut the line. I rolled my eyes and went to the back of the line. I heard Blackburn giving Hoot a hard time but ignored it and just got my food, and then went and sat on my cot, taking a big bite out of the pork.

"Mmmm" I let out out a satisfied moan and shoved a piece of lettuce in my mouth next.

"Very lady like, Garrison" Beals teased and I narrowed my eyes playfully and flashed him the chewed up food in my mouth for a moment.

Laughing filled the air and I watched from a far as Pilla did a impression of Steele. Idiot, I thought to my self as I opened the gatorade bottle that was filled with water, reached into one of my bags and pulled out one of my protein shake mixes poured it into the water, then shook it hard.

"That stuff looks like puke" Smith said cackling as he walked by and I flipped him the bird.

"Haha. Funny" I shot at him, took the cap off and took a long swig. It didn't taste bad, it would have tasted better with milk, but still, the vanilla flavor tasted good to me.

"Why do you gotta drink those all the time again?" Kurth asked. Kurth was a slightly large black man who I'd known for a while now.

"Ehh... I don't wanna fall over one day. Metabolism's too fast" I replied as I took another chug of the shake like liquid.

"Listen to this! If one skinny kills another skinny his clan owes the dead guy's clan 'hundred camels" Beals announced, pointing to the article he was reading. I shrugged and picked up my guitar, my baby, and began to play a random soft tune.

"Must be alot'a fucking camel debt" Kowalswki said with a whistle. "Is that really true Lieutenant?" He then asked.

"Ask Sargent Eversmann, he likes the skinny's" Beals said, nodding over to Matt.

"Sargent Eversmann, you really like the skinnys?" Kowalswki asked shock and disgust written all over his face.

"It's not that I like 'em or I don't like 'em...I respect them" Eversmann explained him self. He didn't have too, I thought to my self as I pulled out my note book full of lyrics and poems, and began to write, not really listening to the conversation any more and occasionally taking sips of the protein shake.

I felt some one snatch the book out of my hands and I was about to yell, but I recognized that it was Eversmann and closed my mouth.

His eyes scanned down the page and when he was done he looked shocked. Was it that bad?

"Did you write those?" He asked, his voice tight.

"No. I was just sitting her writing with invisible ink a second ago" I replied sharply sarcastic.

"Play it for me?" He requested and I immeaditly snatched back the note book.

"No" I said.

"Please Joanie, that was really amazing" He said softly.

"Yeah, Joanie. Play for us" Beals practically yelled, drawing all attention to us. My fingers fisted and I wanted to punch him.

"You gonna sing for us Garrison?" Hoot asked slyly.

"No. I'm not. I cant sing" I lied.

"Liar. Come on Joanie...please" A man named Schmid begged. He was a doc, a damned good one at that.

"Fine, Fine!" I growled as I picked up my guitar ad shoved past Eversmann who just smiled and I punched Beals in his abdomen, knocking the breath out of him.

I sat down on the love seat and crossed my legs tightly, nervousness running through me.

"Come on, Joanie!" That was Smith and I let out a shaky laugh and began to strum the acoustic guitar.

"Uhh...This song is called A rush of blood to the head..."

He said I'm going to buy this place and burn it down  
I'm going to put it six feet underground  
He said I'm going to buy this place and watch it fall  
Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls  
Oh I'm going to buy this place and start a fire  
Stand here until I fill all your heart's desires  
Because I'm going to buy this place and see it burn  
Do back the things it did to you in return

Ah, ah, ah  
He said Oh I'm going to buy a gun and start a war  
If you can tell me something worth fighting for  
Oh and I'm going to buy this place, that's what I said  
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head to the head

(And) honey  
All the movements you're starting to make  
See me crumble and fall on my face  
And I know the mistakes that I made  
See it all disappear without a trace  
And they call as they beckon you on  
They said start as you mean to go on  
Start as you mean to go on

He said I'm going to buy this place and see it go  
Stand here beside my baby watch the orange glow  
Some'll laugh and some just sit and cry  
But you just sit down there and you wonder why  
So I'm going to buy a gun and start a war  
If you can tell me something worth fighting for  
And I'm going to buy this place, that's what I said  
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head

And honey  
All the movements you're starting to make  
See me crumble and fall on my face  
And I know the mistakes that I made  
See it all disappear without a trace  
And they call as they beckon you on  
They said start as you mean to go on  
As you mean to go on, as you mean to go on

So meet me by the bridge, meet me by the lane  
When am I going to see that pretty face again  
Meet me on the road, meet me where I said  
Blame it all upon  
A rush of blood to the head

When I finished the song, I opened my eyes and heard clapping and saw people looking at me in awe.

"You wrote that?" Blackburn asked, non believing as he clapped softly.

"Yeah..." I replied, I knew my face was tinted crimson and I picked my instrument and took it back to the cot and put it down.

"That song..." Matt said as he came and sat next to me. I looked behind me.

"What about it?" I asked, trying to make my voice cool and collected. He didn't need to know his opinion meant the world to me, nope. That's wasn't something that was beneficial to him.

"What's it about?" He asked, as he lay back and put his hands behind his head and his long legs still dangling off the side of hit cot.

"I...I really dont know. It was just what I was feeling at the moment" I explained to him.

"Wow...Can I read more?" He begged and I denied him.

"Come on, Joanie. Please?" He broke out the puppy dog eyes and I caved.

"Okay..." I tossed him the journal

First chapter is done! Woot, Woot! I think the next chapter is gonna be in Eversmann's POV. The song in this is credited to Coldplay!


	2. Say When

Eversmann's POV

I was surprised she had surrendered her precious note book to me and I I picked it up from where she had thrown it on my chest and began to read.

It started on _May 16, 1993_, the day we had gotten here.

_Training is kicking my ass already , and I'm the only girl so the guys treat me like shit. Dad ignores me, which I guess is okay...Well that's really all. Things will get better_

I smile at the first entry, it was so like her. Simple yet it got her point across.

_May, 19, 1993_

_Today was better. I actually met some one with a dick today who didn't treat me like I didn't belong here, His name's Smith. He's nice. But cocky. I also kicked some major ass today at target practice! Suck on that boys! My dad saw...He doesn't care though. I don't miss home, except for mom. And her food. And my bed. The'se cots are killer. I would ask some one to give me a massage, but they'd probably rape me:) Mmm, dinner. _

I looked over at her and couldn't help the small jealousy that built up inside of me... Her and Smith had met first...What ever, she considered him a brother. She had told me before when I had asked about it.

_May, 21, 1993_

_I am offically 20 today...pretty uneventful. I ran laps til I puked and I skipped diner. I'm not feeling too good, and I really, really don't want to see **him**. He's in my sector and it drives me completely fucking nuts. I mean there are ALOT of good looking guys here, but for some reason I ...feel something for him. Greeeeaaat. _

I sat up on my elbows I read...was she talking about me? I hope so. It would suck if she was talking about some other guy. _T_he next couple of weeks in the journal were poems and little quotes, summary's of her day. But the entry on June 6th caught my eye._  
_

_June,6, 1993_

_I see you there, don't know where you come from  
Unaware of a stare from someone  
Don't appear to care that I saw you and I want you  
What's your name, cause I have to know it... I want to know him so bad_

_June, 10,1993_

_I talked to him today...At target practice. He let me drink out of his canteen. I'm so stupid. I've worked so hard for this, and he's fucking it all up for me! Shit.  
_

It was me! I thought to my self triumphantly. I semi remembered that day. She was tired and she had forgot her canteen and she didn't wanna have to run back to get it, so I let her drink out of mine. I cant believe she remembered that I thought to myself, feeling my lips pull up at the corners and my stomach turn a little.

Im such a fucking girl, I said to my self silently, cursing my feminine actions.

There were clipped lyrics here and there and she talked about Somalia and how she wished she knew more then five words of the language. How she wished we were actually helping the people, and how she hoped one day her father would finally listen to her. She wrote in such description how the men were starting to respect her and how she was starting to like it here more then home. And how on her first mission she came back to base and ran ahead of every one else and let the tears run down her face because she couldn't figure out why the world was so fucked up. She talked about how we got closer and closer. How I had spilled the ketchup on her newly washed uniform and how pissed she'd been. How the first time she kissed me she was scared that I didn't want her because I didn't kiss back. How being in the Black Hawk's made her feel invincible, yet vulnerable. She was always contradicting her self.

I looked up and saw her laughing about something with Ruiz as they strummed they're guitars to the same tune.

_July,13,1993_

_We Live in a Beautiful World  
_

_Bones, sinking like stones,_  
_All that we fought for,_  
_Homes, places we've grown,_  
_All of us are done for._

_And we live in a beautiful world,_  
_Yeah we do, yeah we do,_  
_We live in a beautiful world,_

_Bones, sinking like stones,_  
_All that we fought for,_  
_And homes, places we've grown,_  
_All of us are done for._

_And we live in a beautiful world,_  
_Yeah we do, yeah we do,_  
_We live in a beautiful world._

_Here we go, here we go_

_And we live in a beautiful world,_  
_Yeah we do, yeah we do,_  
_We live in a beautiful world._

_ Oh, all that I know,_  
_There's nothing here to run from,_  
_'Cause everybody here's got somebody to lean on._

I was taken a back by this certain poem. God she was such an amazing writer. What she said...I could just see her in my head as she wrote this. I could picture her face, all scrunched in concentration and feel her many emotions surging through my own body.

There were alot of other poems and lyrics and I wanted her to play every one for me, I wanted her to sing it all for me.

_Sept,2,1993_

_He said that its wrong. He's lying, I know he loves me. This is just another fight, I know it. Smith told me it was okay and that he's all broke up about this too, but it's his own fault. And to add to this wonderful day my father actually talked to me today. About the weather. Its always sunny in Africa, dad. Thanks for pointing it out. I want him to let go and just...Be with me..I guess not._

_Cosmic Love_

_A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes  
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind  
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out  
You left me in the dark  
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart_

I'm such an idiot. Fuck...I cant believe I did that... I never wanted to hurt her when I told her we couldn't be together...even thought I knew I would. I was scared, scared that I was jeopardizing everything for some silly little romance.

I began to read September 4th's entry but the book was taken out of my grasp.

"I think you've read enough" Joanie said with a beam. What? No!

"Come on, Joanie!" I protested, but she didn't budge and she packed the note pad back into her bag.

"Light's out soldiers" The voice of Steele rang out and I thanked god tonight wasn't my shift for guard duties. I was so exhausted my eyes burned in my skull.

I closed my eyes and konked out fast, snoring loudly. Dreaming of Joanie and kissing and...well other things.

* * *

The next morning I awoke to Smith shaking me violently.

"Matt. Matt! Wake up!" He ordered, he sounded so panicked that I sat up strait in an instant. Was I late? Shit!

"What's it?!" I asked him, already getting out of bed and hopping on one foot to put my uniform on.

"It's Beals...He had a seizure" Smith said, no cockiness or playfulness in his voice and it took me a moment to register it all not to be a joke. I looked over at the cot across from mine as i put on my boots to see that Joanie wasn't there.

"Come on, lets go" I told Smith and we left the sleeping base.

* * *

I found Joanie, arms folded across her chest in the already bright morning light. It was only 4 o'clock.

"Eversmann, Smith" She greeted me, her voice tight as her expression.

"Garrison, How's he?" I replied, wanting to wrap my arms tightly around her.

"Not sure, Eversmann" She said, not even looking at me. I just nodded and held my behind my back , worried about our friend and fellow soldier.

Steele came out, and we instantly knew the verdict by the look on our Captain's face.

"Well, he'll be fine. But not in this army. He's out of the game, epileptic. He's going home" Steele said, regretful. I saw Joanie bite her lips together as shook ran through me and I looked to the entrance of the tent for a moment, then back to Steele.

"Im putting you in charge of his chalk. You got a problem with that?" Steele told me and my eyes went wide and for a moment i didn't want to take it, maybe Beals was okay, maybe he'd get up and be fine.

"No, Sir"I replied respectfully.

"Now that's a big responsibility, your men are gonna look to you to make the right decisions. Their lives depend on it" Captian Steele explained to me as thousands of thoughts ran through my head.

I looked doesn't and the saluted him.

"Rangers all the way, sir" I told him and he gave me a small smile.

"All the way" He said giving me a salute, and then turning to Joanie and giving her the same. She nodded and raised her hand to her head as well.

"Good luck son. Garrison" Steele said before he walked away, leaving me dumbstruck. I looked to Joanie and her mouth was hanging open and she nodded to me, before walking away as well.

* * *

I stood in a room full of Captians, Majors, Lutinets and Corpral. Listening to Major Garrison, Joanie's father's plans for going into the Baakahra market to catch Mohamed Farah Adid. We were leaving today, with the same mission template as before. 1545 the delta will infiltrate the target building, and get all the suspects within. The rangers would go in with four chalks and would be under the command of Captian Steele and hold a four corner perimeter around the target area. No one gets in or out. Garrison made that clear. Joanie watched her father talk with distrust, her hands folded on her lap. It was supposed to be a 30 minute mission.

Major had asked for gun ships, but of course Washington shot that down. What did they ever except? The mission launch code word was Irine and we were gonna be covered by the Hawks and little birds.

"Make no mistake, once you're in the Baakahra market your in an entirley hostile district. Don't underestimate they're capeability's. We'll be going through friendly neighborhood's before we hit the market. So remember the rules of engagement, dont fire unless fired on. No let's go get this thing done. Good luck Soldiers" The Major ordered us, looking us all in the eye at least once, then sat back and tapped the table with his hands. We all scattered out into the African heat.

"This is insane. What the hell is he thinking" Joanie hissed in whispers to me and I just zoned out and over heard the between Mcknight, Mathews and Harrell. Mcknight didn't sound to happy about this mission, and that worried me. He was always so confident on missions.

Okay. Chapter two is up! These are really really long so I hope I get some reviews. The song credits go to The Fray, Clodplay, And Florence and the Machine


	3. I'm Only Human

This one's super long. Hope you enjoy it

Joanie's POV

My dad's a fucking idiot was all I could think as we made our way back to the sleeping base after training. I was dressed in a dark green form fitting t-shit and black cargo shorts that went down to right above my knee.

Smith went to play at the court, the Black Hawks right behind him, alone since Beals was gone. Eversmann and I sat at a black plastic table that faced the outside.

"You're mad" He stated the obvious and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"Yes. I am" I replied as I watched Smith play ball.

"Joanie-" He started in that voice he always used when he was trying to treat me like I was made of glass. I got up, not wanting to fight with him.

"I'm gonna go play with Smith" I said, backwards walking for a moment, before turning forward and approaching Smith who smiled broadly and tossed me the orange ball.

"Horse?" I asked, dribbling.

"Your on, Joanie" He said as he stepped closer to me and opened his arms for the ball.

"Bring it, Smith" I said with a devious smile as I tossed him the ball.

I whooped as jump around came on and swung my hips slightly and rapped along with it.

Pack It Up, pack it in, let me begin  
I came to win, battle me that's a sin  
I won't tear the sack up, punk you'd better back up  
Try and play the role and the whole crew will act up

Smith laughed and aimed for the net...and missed.

"H" I told him as I took the ball and aimed for the net. It went in and I started jumping...just as the Jump, Jump, Jump part of the song came on.

"Swoosh baby" I teased him and he faked anger and took the ball and threw it at the table Matt was writing at.

Eversmann sat up quick ant pursed his lips.

" 'The fuck Smith" He cursed his best friend and I laughed and ran over to them.

"Well" Smith said, placing his ball on the table, hands still on it.

"Well what?" Eversmann asked, as I came and sat on the edge of the table.

"We going" Smith replied in a "Duh" topne, and tossed Eversmann the ball.

"Why should I tell you" Eversmann teased Smith who's mouth fell open as Matt got up and dribbled the ball. Smith opened his arms and said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world "Because I'm me" I smiled at they're height difference. Freaking Eversmann was a giant.

Eversmann just chuckled at our too cocky friend.

"Yeah. 3'oclock. Down town" He told him information he shouldn't. I didn't care, I told them stuff they shouldn't know all the time.

"Listen Smith, I need you to back me up out there today, Alright, You too, Joanie. Keep it sharp"

Smith just wore that signature cocky smile and nodded.

"Yes sir, Sargent Eversmann" He teased Matt in a hic voice. I laughed and did the salute with him to Matt.

"Of course...Sargent" I smiled at him as sat back down at his chair. I hunched over slightly, punning my arms on each side of me, hands at each side of my legs.

"Ev, Its gonna be nothing man" Smith said as he was being retarded, with the basket ball in his shirt, making him look pregnant. He then hit it out of the shirt and repeated 'nothing' as he walked away. His legs are so white I thought to my self with a mental laugh.

* * *

Grimes came in as I was preparing my self for the missing. Hmm, I thought to my self. He finally got away from that office desk. Eversmann gave him his orders and every one gave him advice.

"Somalis cant shoot for shit" Wadell said arrogantly and I looked up and sneered at him for a moment, before returning my attention to lacing my boots.

"Yeah, just watch out for them throwing rocks" Another man said, I didn't care enough to look up this time. Every one laughed, but Kurth cut in.

"All we gotta do is cover the Delta's, choppers cover us, and we'll be fine" Kurth reassured Grimes with a calm voice.

"Look you guys, I know this is my first time as truck leader but, ugh, This isn't our first time out together. This is serious. Were rangers, not some sorry ass JROTC. Were elite. Lets act like it. Cool?" Eversmann gave his speech. Nervous at the beginning but confident, and sounding like a real leader by the end. I beamed at him and gave him a slight lift of my chin. Cool, I said with the rest of the men.

"Any questions" Eversmann added. Everyone was silent and I chewed on my bottom lip.

"Were gonna be okay. Alright, grab you gear, lets move out" He said and I grabbed my gun and ammo and went to stand next to him.

"Don't worry, you'll do fine" I said to him, turning my head to look at him.

"Think so?" He questioned and I gave him a look.

"I hope so" I said, my voice trusting as I walked away from him.

I watched Grimes as he packed his things and men told him not too. I found it stupid they told him not to bring a canteen. I always brought mine, filled to the top.

"Hey Grimes, most important thing to remember is to remember that when everybody else is shooting, shoot in the same direction" Eversmann lectured and I chuckled as Grimes did this weird little pointing thing.

"Follow your instinct. You'll be fine" I told him...it had worked for me. I looked over and saw that Blackburn looked like he was shitting bricks. I walked over then crouched down next to him.

"Blackburn...you okay?" I asked, remembering how nervous I had been my first mission.

"Fine...In a good way. I've been training for this my whole life" He replied as he looked forward, nodding his head.

"Ever shot at anybody before?" I asked, wanting to break down the cocky composure a little bit.

"No, mam" He replied.

I just gave him a a pat on the shoulder then stood up, wishing I could say I hadn't either.

* * *

Me, Eversmann and Hoot sat on the hot cement ground, our backs against the base in silence as we waited for the mission.

"You know its kinda funny. Beautiful beach, Beautiful, it would almost be a good place to visit" Eversmann said, breaking the silence. I scoffed, yeah, because a war stricken country is always a fun place to visit, I thought to my self.

"Almost" Hoot drawled out as he took a drag from his cigarette. He handed it to me and I did the same, not handing it over to Matt, He didn't' smoke.

"You don't think we should be here?" Eversmann asked, hands clasped together.

"You know what I think, It dont really matter what I think. Once that first bullet goes past your head, politics and all that other shit just goes right out the window" Hoot said, taking another drag from the cig, his face hard and expressionless. I nodded, that was so true.

Eversmann looked scared and I wanted to grab his hand or touch his face or something to make him feel better. Being the new Sargent had to be hard on him.

"I just wanna do it right today" He said, more to himself then to me or Hoot.

"Just watch your corner, get all you soldiers back here alive" Hood advised, he seemed almost cold. I patted Matt's thigh in reassurance.

* * *

The helicopters engines filled the air with their dense whooshing sounds and it made it hard to talk to the person next to you. There was organized chaos as people ran to they're assigned positions. All of chalk four ran to our Black Hawk and squeezed on. It was a tight fit and i got practically smushed into Matt's side.

"Fucking Irene" I heard Durant over the head piece and chuckled. Here we go, I mentally prepared my self, but nothing could of prepared me for what happened next.

"Good luck, soldiers. Be careful. No one gets left behind" It was my dad, and my eyes must have been popping out of my sockets. I felt his gaze focused on me for a minute, but he then walked away. Everyone must have had the same panicked expression as me cause Grimes asked if anything was wrong.

"Nothing...He's just never done that before" Eversmann said, keeping his voice calm.

"FUCK" Grimes exclaimed. Fuck indeed, i thought to my self as I clutched my gun tighter and we took off into the air.

* * *

We flew over the beautiful beaches. White sand, dark blue waters...that were completely shark infested. No one went swimming in there unless they were stupid as fuck, or they were suicidal.

Matt looked like he was gonna puke and I wanted to comfort him. But I knew I couldn't. That was a given in our 'relationship'. Absolutely no PDA.

"Two minutes" Elvis warned us and my stomach did flip flops.

The city had a dark cloud of black around it, and I knwe it was signals that we were coming.

"One minute" Eversmann yelled out to us and I bit my lip and nodded.

"Whats that for?" Blackburn yelled over to Nelson.

"Last time I almost bit my tongue off" Nelson replied, before putting the mouth piece in. I cracked up, remembering last time.

We were preparing to drop when open shooting began and the Hawk lurched. Blackburn fell right out of the chopper and I tried to dive and grab him, but I was to late.

"TODD!"I screamed in alarm as he fell through the smog and out of sight. I couldn't believe what had just happened, he...He just fell out!

I quickly grabbed the rope he should have held onto and slid down it, Eversmann right behind me. When my feet touched ground I ran to the eighteen year old and fell at his side.

Blood was gushing from his nose, mouth and ears and as I checked his pulse I closed my eyes. It was slow and faint. Eversmann came down beside me.

"Matt, He's dying" I screamed to him as the wind from the Hawk blew furiously around us, creating a vortex.

"Cover us!" Eversmann yelled as I heard a bullet whiz by. A soldier came over.

"Where's he hit" He asked us, leaning over Blackburns body, looking for bullet wounds.

"He's not. He fell!" Eversmann yelled over the loud engine.

"What?" The soldier asked in disbelief.

"He fell!" I yelled at him. this was no time to be stupid. We needed to get Blackburn out of here.

Gunfire started and I shot up fast and looked around. They shot at us, we can shoot at them. I heard Matt asking someone to get Blackburn out of here, then asking Blackburn if he could hear him. I looked down, he kid was pale and deathly looking.

"I cant get them" Wilconsin yelled to me and Eversmann.

"Fuck" I cursed. This kid was gonna die if we didn't get him out of her now. Matt yelled into his own speaker about having a man down and Steele replied for him to take a breath and calm down. I saw red and grabbed Matt's speaker out of his hands.

"Man down! He'll die!" I yelled into it in anger."Fuck it" Matt cursed as there was no reply and we prepped Blackburn to be moved.

"Matt, It's a long way to the humvies" a soldier said.

"Yeah, we'll get a stretcher in here, get him to the target building" Matt told us and I nodded. That was the only chance we had of saving Blackburns life. We hoisted the kid onto a stretcher and then other soldiers took him away. I shot at a tall skinny who was about to shoot Grimes, who was one of the soldiers carrying Blackburn, I missed, but he ducked behind a wall in fear. Debris and sand flew in my face but I ignored it.

"Let's go!" Smith yelled, I hadn't realized he was there. Matt grabbed my hand and pulled me into an alley way with them, running as fast as our feet would allow.

An explosion went off next to us and sent me flying through the air and onto my back with a hard thud. I scrambled up, it hurt like a bitch, of course it had, but I don't think it had done any serious damage.

"Joanie!" I heard Evermanns panicked voice and ran towards it, catching up to him and Smith in no time.

"You hurt?" Smith yelled in question as he fired his gun.

"No...I'm good" I had to pause to answer because I shot at a group of skinny's on the roof.

Me and Matt took cover behind a small metal, barb wired shack. Bullets plingled off it and I raised up and fired, hitting a man in the chest. Guilt flooded my body for a moment, but was then consumed by the adrenaline. Id feel bad for it later. The men in the Black Hawks began firing the machine guns and the blistering hot shells fell on to me and Matt.

"Fuck" He cursed, writhing in pain and I picked one off his neck.

"Ahh" I cried out as one rolled down my cheek and into my uniform then t-shirt shirt, leaving white hot trails in it's path. I reached down into my clothes and pulled the still hot shell out, tossing it away before it could burn my finger.

"You good?" I asked him and he nodded and sat up on his knees and began shooting. I pulled him back down as a bullet whizzed past his shoulder. We were breathing erratically, almost like we did after sex. His chest fell up, and down, faster then mine as we crouched low to avoid the bullets.

"K2 this is McNight. We have a Kiia, Pilla. Over" It came through our head sets and I closed my eyes, bit my lips together and shook my head. Pilla was dead.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay" Matt told me, rubbing my arm for a moment. No, it was not. I was broken out of my thoughts by the Black Hawk I had just been on plummeting from the sky and towards the ground, spinning out of control. Matt sat up, so stunned to speak and my mouth fell open in horror. The skinnys had shot it out of the sky. We watched it crash to the ground, smoke filling the air around the crash site.

"Holy fuck" I cried out as I went to get up, I wanted to run to the crash site, see if there was any one alive. I felt Eversmann tug me back down to my knees and hold me there, I didn't protest.

"25, this is 64 over" Came over Evermanns radio and he lifted it to his lips to reply" This is 25, over"

"25, chalk 4 is closest to the crash site over" Steele's voice came again. We were closest? We needed to get there.

"64, I cant see the crash site, over" Eversmann replied.

"25, You will find it. Take your chalk on foot to the crash. Secure the area, check for survivors all of the chalks will follow, over" Steel's reply was hard, it was an order. Eversmann flinched as a bullet made a harsh dinging sound against our little shelter.

"25, do you read me, over" Steele sounded impatient.

"Well do it" Eversmann said as he stood up, i followed him and rose up as well. Eversmann yelled for Schmid to get Twombly. All of the men gathered around the metal shack as Eversmann rattled off orders. Twombly and Nelson were to stay here and secure this corner. Me, Schmid, Ford, Yurek and Smith were coming with him.

"Let's go" Eversmann ordered, getting ready to run.

"Well how come I gotta stay back here?" Nelson protested. I wanted to sock him, did he not just hear there was a Black Hawk Down?

" 'Cause your dependable" Eversmann told him, Nelson still didn't look to happy. Eversmann, Schmid, Yurkek, Ford, Smith and I got up and made a run for it. I shot at the roofs and windows, killing or injuring any one in sight.

We made our way stealthy through back streets and I cursed in whispers as it came through Evermanns speaker that the hostiles were just west of us and that there was women and children among them...I dont think I could ever kill a child. Even if it had a gun pointed at my head...

We scaled a brick wall and just as we looked beyond it gun fire started and a missile flew through the air. I pressed my self close to the wall and turned my face away from the direction of the gunfire.

Yurek and Smith threw granaides that landed close to the skinnys then exploded and I aimed for the man in the jeep who was shooting anything in his path. A chopper in the sky got him thought, giving us chance to run to where we needed. There was bullets flying everywhere. From the roofs, and from jeeps with up to ten me packed in them, all shooting at us. I shot the driver of one of the vehicles with all the gun power in his head. The jeep crashed into a wall and exploded, killing the rest of the men inside it as well. I jerked back at what I had just done, how many people I had just killed...but ignored the feelings once again and move on with my chalk. I ran fast with the other men, Eversmann leading ud through the streets. We covered eachother the best we could. Eversmann went behind a pillar, looked out to see if the coast was clear and the ushered us out. Me and Stone ran together, and I turned back fast as I heard his cry of pain.

"Ford?!" I yelled at him, but he got up, holding his bleeding hand with the other okay one, and went back for his weapon. My eyes went wide and I lurched after him.

"No, Dont! Go back!" I heard Eversmann holler at us, I clutched Ford's arm as soon as he had picked up his weapon and pulled him back to his feet and then behind a wall. I shot at the people behind the corner and then sneaked a peak and almost gagged at what I saw. Fords thumb was handing off. Only connected to his hand by a muscle or two. I didn't know what to say to him as he looked at me panicked and in pain, so I turned back around and shot at the people who were trying to kill us for a moment before turning back to mind shifted all over the place for a moment before it focused and I reached into my suit and ripped a long piece of the dark green cotton t-shirt I was wearing underneath. I grabbed his hand.

"I have to cut it off" I told him. He just nodded and gritted his teeth together as I reached down into the holster on my thigh and pulled out my pocket knife. I cut his thumb off. There was barely any thing that connected it so it was a clean cut. He grunted in pain and I apologized to him as I wrapped the open wound tightly in the bandage from my shirt. I then took his thumb and considered putting it in my pocket, thinking that maybe we could sow it back on later, but decided against it. It needed to go on ice, and be in a clean environment. We didn't have that right now. I put it on a cardboard box that was next to us and slipped my knife back in the holster.

I looked up in time to see Matt crossing over to our side of the street, covered by Yurek and Smith, and we began to run again. Ford sucked up all the pain and ran his hardest. We were running from the mobs of Somalians with guns who seemed to be at every corner.

* * *

Nobodys POV

Garrison sat at the base, listing to his radio of all the madness happening in the Baakahra Market. He feared for his men...he feared for his daughter. They hadn't heard much from chalk 25, and his palms were becoming sweaty...if Joanie died...No. He couldn't think about that. Not now. He needed to do his job and get everyone home safe.

"What in the hell is the status of Streuker's Humvies?" He asked Harrell, beging to lose his temper.

"Cornell Harrell, eta to base" Harrell said into a radio as he called soldiers to base.

"Eta to base momentarily" A reply came from Streuker. He ran out of the computer room and into the entrance of the sleeping center just as the Humvies pulled up.

_Christ in heaven_ He thought to him self as he looked at the gore in the Humvies. What had he sent them into...What had he sent his baby into?

* * *

Joanie's POV

We made our way closer and closer to the chopper, meeting up with other chalks on the way. It was then I notice some one was missing...there had been five of us to begin with...now we had added with six others and we only made ten. _Eversmann, Smith, Ford...Where's Yurek. Fuck. Where the hell's Yurek_ I went over us in my head and then jogged ahead, advancing the other men and coming right next to Eversmann.

"Eversmann, Yurek's gone" I told him. He looked around and dread filled his features.

"Where?" He asked me a question I could not answer.

"I don't know" I replied, head hung low. I should have noticed earlier...fuck.

"We need to make it to the Hawk. We'll come back for him" Eversmann told me and I nodded...he would probably be dead by then, but we had orders.

We turned a couple of streets and at last we were at the Hawk. Soldiers were already hauling out the badly injured and me and Eversmann ran up to them quick. I looked inside the fallen Hawk and gasped as I saw Elvis...pale, eyes closed...dead.

"Oh god..." I murmured to my self. Matt tapped my arm and we jogged forward just as the chopper exploded from a missile being launched at it. It pushed me forward, but not enough to knock me over like the last time and we ran fast for cover as open fire started again.

"26, this is 25" Matt yelled into the radio, he said something about technicals but I couldn't hear fro all the gunfire.

"This is 26, roger that" 26's voice came through the speaker. Matt the told him about setting up a perimeter as I aimed for a man with a machine gun probably twice his size. I didn't miss and he fell to the ground. Matt grabbed my elbow and pulled me back behind the wall as he reported the details of the Hawk crash to Steele and asked for a medivac. There was to much fighting to land the Hawks so we had to secure the perimeter...now.

We ducked behind the ruins of a old brick house as two Sargent's ran to the Hawk. I looked around at all the men huddled around me, and was grateful that we all wern't dead . These skinys were picking us off, fast.

"Hey Wilke, whats the situation in there" Eversmann asked into his radio, talking to Sargent Wilkson.

"Both pilots are dead...25...we cant move these guys. We'll kill them just carrying them" Wilkson reported and I let out a puff of air...they had to be in really bad shape if they couldn't even be moved. Wilkson and another soldier were going to stabilize the survivors on the bird-it was the only way.

"We've got you covered" Eversmann replied.

* * *

It was about a half an hour later and we were trying to reach Nelson Twombly.

"I cant reach em" Ford told, his voice apolegetic.

A grenade dropped right by us and send dust and smoke at my face. I curled into a ball for a moment, then uncurled and shot at the man in the window who had thrown it.

"We need to get the fuck out of here!"Schmid yelled, Eversmann agreed and we headed back away from the Hawk, and the devastation near it

* * *

We took shelter in an old abanded house. It was hot and I was sweating like a pig. Some of my hair had fallen out of it's bun and was now plastered to the back of my neck.

Ford through the radio-the only radio we had- with force at the wall and I turned to look at him. Had the heat made him lose his marbles? Maybe it was the pain?

"Whats up?" Eversmann asked him, trying to keep the peace.

"They're sending 'em back to camp. The convoys" Ford said his voice sounded betrayed. I felt a wave of hopelessness wash over me and I sunk down on the dirty couch next to Ford.

"Oh, now that makes sence, dont it? We need to exclude the wounded and get the hell back to base" Waddell said, his voice selfish and I stood up, I was still shorter then him but he needed to hear me out.

"We need to wait for them to send another convoy. Do you think the _wanted_ to leave us here? No! They must have had to leave us, Your really starting to piss me off, Wadell. Stop being so selfish and start actin' like you belong here" I told him. I didn't raise my voice, just kept it steady and commanding. He just nodded and shrunk back closer to the wall.

I let out a deep breath and collapsed next to Ford again, taking off my helmet to run my hands through my sweaty hair and gather it back into a bun.

"Mcnight went back to base...He had a good reason" Smith said, looking out the window. It was getting dark I thought to my self with a shiver as I put the helmet back on.

"Alright, listen up. were gonna hold the perimeter and hold the strong point" Eversmann commanded, everyone agreed.

"Conserve your ammo. Only shoot at what you can hit. The convoys gonna come. Were gonna get home" He said, looking at me and giving me a small fake smile. I couldn't force myself to smile back as I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

It was getting later and later and almost all the water in our canteens was gone. I groaned, I was dying of heat stroke. I unbuttoned a couple of buttons on my uniform. It didn't really help, but it was worth a shot. I sat next to mat on the dusty floor and I was tempted to lay my head on his shoulder.

"I'm hot" I said to him, a little whiny I must admit. He just handed me his canteen, half empty. I had dibied mine out hours ago.

"Thanks" I said as I took a sip and gave it back to him. I just nodded and looked over at me.

"You scared?" He asked, scotching a bit closer to me.

"No...yes" I tried to lie to him, but I couldn't. I was scared, I was terrified. What was going to happen when it got dark?

"It'll be okay" He reassured, and I knew he wasn't lying to me. I could tell when he lied to me.

"I hope so" I replied patting his hand that was on the ground next to mine.

"Eversmann come in" Matt's radio went off and he pulled his hand away from mine.

"Roger, who is this?" Matt asked, not reconigizing the voice.

"Sanderson. Do not, I say again do not fire to the east. We are coming to you" I over heard Sanderson on Matt's radio and let out a slightly hysterical breath. Matt told Sanderson that he needed him on the north east corner and to watch out for skinnys, that they were all over the roof tops. Sanderson accepted and they made they're way to us.

"Don't fire to the east" Eversmann advised us.

Then everything seemed to happen so fast after that, everything was a blur in my head. Yurek came running in, followed by Nelson. I was confused yet relieved. How'd they get here?

You could see Twombly running towards us but a skinny shot him from the back, hitting his back and making his hand grenade go off. Twombly panicked and began screeching.

"Twombly!" Smith screamed as he ran out into to open fire. I didn't even think twice, I just ran after him, covering him. I could hear shouts of my name but I didn't listen, I just ran after my best friend and let our a fearful cry as I heard him scream out in pain.

"SMITH!" I screamed, dragging him. He was hit, in his leg. All the sudden I felt a sharp pain near my left breast and bit back a scream and continued to drag Smith back to safety.I felt some one help me with Smith and saw that it was Eversmann. We dragged him back into safety and I shot at the sons of bitches on the roof top, feeling a sick satisfaction as one fell from its pedistal and on to the ground. The shooting had raged up again and me and Eversmann each took an arm of Smith's and put it around out shoulders. My left side was throbbing but I dismissed it. Probably just a cut. Smith needed me then and I couldn't focus on anything but that.

We made out way to the kitchen of the house and Schmid cleared off the table so we could lay Smith down on it. He was bleeding badly and groaning out incoherincies. I held him still the best I could, muttering things like your going to be fine, and don't worry.

"are my balls okay?" He asked through the pain and I let out a teary laugh.

"Yeah, Jamie. They're still there" I told him, stroking his face.

"I need pressure on his wound" Schmid told me and Eversmann. Eversmann held the gushing gun wound.

"I need more men in here!" Shmid ordered as he took of his helmet and his pack. I screamed at the top of my lungs for Twombly and Nelson. Smith was freaking out bad and it took Me, Twombly, Nelson and Yurek to hold him down.

"Smith...Shhhh, Stop it" I kept trying to calm him, to make him stop moving around in pain.

"Hold him still" Schmid ordered as he got out gauze, and told Eversmann to let him get a look at the wound. As soon as Eversmann's hand came off the bullet wound, blood spurted out and on to my face. I closed my mouth and tried not to break down as Smith began screaming his lungs out and I fought him to keep him still.

"I need a medivac now" Schmid ordered. I looked down at Smith's wound and my breathing began to turn to silent sobs. It was the femoral . I let him grab my hand and squeeze til my fingers turned blue. I loved him, He was my best friend.

"They cant risk another bird" Eversmann said, his voice filled with anger.

"Fuck" I screamed. He would die with out a medivac...He was bleeding out too fast.

"Pressure" Schmid instructed Eversmann to push down on the already blood soaked gauze. I put my face next to Smith and dealt with the blood that kept coming out of his wound.

"I love you Smith" I whispered to him and he nodded and then let out another blood curdling scream which made me press my cheek closer to his. I felt his tears, hot and wet on my face. About thirty minutes later Evermann and Schmid were talking privately outside of the kitchen area.

"Y-You remember when we first...Ahhh met" Smith asked me through the pain and I nodded and bit my lips together hard, one hand still clasped with his, and the other clutching around my own abdomen.

"Yeah. You said I had a nice rack" I laughed at the memory which caused the ache in my side to flair violently. He chuckled, it sounded more like sobbing to me then a laugh.

"Thats-Thats cause you do" He stuttered with a smile. My chin began to quiver and I turned my head to see Schmid and Eversmann coming back in, determination on both of they're faces.

"Now listen Jamie. I gotta do something and its gonna hurt, okay? I gotta cause you more pain but I have to do it to help you" I looked at Schmid worried as he told Smith that he had to cause him more pain.

"Morphine" Smith instantly replied. I blame him, I would want to be all drugged up too.

"I cant it'll lower your heart rate to far...Im sorry. Hey, Garrison, why dont you take his hands there" I did as I was told and took Smith's hands in mine, holding them tightly, lacing out fingers together.

"1....2...3" And then It started. Shmid dug his hands into Smith's flesh searching for the artery as Eversmann held it open. Smith wailed and tried to move nut I held him steady. Tears were rolling down my face as he blacked out from the pain.

"I got it I got it" Schmid told Eversmann. He could feel the pulse. I was holding a limp Jamie in may arms as I watched the bloody scene unfold.

"Clamp. I got it...Its tearing..." Eversmann sounded scared and I couldnt watch any more so I lowered my forehead to Smith's and whispered lies to him.

"Hold it" Im so sorry Jamie. Im so sorry. I should have protected you better, covered you better. They got quiet and the tears came faster and faster. He opened his eyes and I closed mine, not being able to look into the brown orbs.

"Fix it?" He asked weakly and I bit my lips to the point that they were bleeding not to cry.

"Yeah, Yeah we got it" Eversmann lied and I was happy he did. Smith didn't need to know things had gone wrong, even though I had a feeling he did. He looked up at me and a faint smile tugged at his lips and it took alot of effort for me to smile back down at him and I kissed his forehead and put mine back against his.

It was an hour later and he was still alive.

"I cant die here man" He barley got out. He sounded so terrified and i barley felt it as he squeezed my hand as tight as he could. I was sweating yet I felt cold and the whole left side of my body was numb, shots of pain came every now and then, and when I moved a certain way.

"Your not gonna die" Schmid lied to him, he then looked at me, and his head cocked to the side.

"Joanie...are you okay?" He asked, his voice was calm but I could hear the worried undercurrent. Evermann's gaze snapped to mine and Smith looked up at me.

"'Im fine" I bit out. The pain was surging.

"Joanie...." Smith whispered as he looked up at me and I just shook my head.

"I'm fine. Promise" I lied through my teeth, but he accepted it and relaxed his neck again. I could feel Eversmann's eyes on me and I didnt turn to look back at him.

"Im sorry" Smith apologized and I looked at him as though he was crazy.

"You dont have anything to be sorry for. You saved Twombly. You did perfect" Eversmann comforted him.

"Your okay Twoms?" He asked, his eyes darting up. Twombly squeezed Smiths shoulder lightly.

"Yeah. Im okay Jamie" He replied and I knew he had to felt terrible.

"You did what we were trained to do, you should be proud of that" Eversmann said, gratifying him. Jamie looked to me and I nodded.

"you did, Jimmy jam, you did" I said to him, my voice cracking as I used the nick name I knew he hated. He was beginning to choke on his own breath.

"Ev. Ev. Do me a favor. You tell my parents that I fought well today. that I fought hard" He begged through stutters and tears collected in his eyes and I knew this was the end.

"Your gonna tell 'em yourself, Kay?" Eversmann replied, looking at me for a moment, then back to Smith who nodded, his lips trembling. He asked for the Humvies and I smiled and told him that they were coming.

"You just gotta hold on for a little bit" Eversmann told him, grabbing his other hand.

"I cant...its nothin. Its nothin" He smiled, and it was almost like he was accepting death. It was something, I wanted to yell. But i didn't. I held in in and squeezed his hand back.

Nothin, he repeated til his eyes went blank and his mouth fell open.

"Jamie? Jamie" I cried as I shook him, he didnt reply and I knew he was gone. Schmid tried to restart his heart with CPR and I backed myself into a corner. This was all my fault...If I just would have covered him better...or grabbed him before he ran out...If I would have been a best friend he would still be alive. Tears started rolling down my cheeks and I pulled my legs up and rocked my self back and forth. Jamie was the first person to talk to me here. Jamie treated me like I wasn't some slut just for a fuck. Jamie introduced me to Matt...Jamie was my best friend. I let out a loud sod and rocked my self faster, ignoring the pain in my side as the emotions overloaded me and I fisted my hair and rocked my self faster and faster, letting out loud crys. I didn't care if they thought I was weak...I was. I was weak. I let him die.

"Joanie, Joanie baby, please look at me" I felt hands on my face and heard Matt's voice trying to soothe me. I Just shook my head, trying to make him let go.

"Let go, Let go, LET GO" I screamed as he grabbed me and hugged me tight to his body. I hit at his back and his chest and anywhere I could to try and make him let go. I gave up and slouched into him sobbing so hard it shook us both. Then my sobs wern't sobs anymore, I was shaking, sezuring and my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

"Joanie? Joanie!" He screamed as I fell limp in his arms and convulsed.

"She's bleeding!" He screamed loudly before I blacked out and dreamt that my best friend wasnt dead.


End file.
